I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
