I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
