I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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