the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
