I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
