We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
