Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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