OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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