She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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