Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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