Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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