I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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