i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just high enough for therapy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
