I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
