That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
