OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
