Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
