peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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