How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
