Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
