you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
