I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
