you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
