I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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