Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
