I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She needs sedatives and a leash
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
