After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
