It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
