I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Small penises have feelings too.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
