why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This is the high leading the old right now
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
