Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
