I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
