we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
