When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's never too late to be topless.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
