I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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