Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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