I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There r osticjed everywhere
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
