Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I look better un-naked...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
