A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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