Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
