Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
