xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i believe in u and ur pee
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
