i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
