I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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