I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
