Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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