oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
