I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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