At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
