If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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