I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
