Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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