i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
