Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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